Forgiveness: Do you truly accept and offer forgiveness?

This is a great question to ask yourself as you are working through your recovery!  This question alone can tell you whether or not you are allowing something to block, stall, or even destroy your recovery.

As I began my recovery, I THOUGHT; that I was able to forgive and accept forgiveness without any problems.  However, what I learned was that my pains and my hurts were so deep that I was not only not accepting forgiveness that was offered to me but I wasn't truly offering my forgiveness in the way similar to how God offered forgiveness to me.  I mean lets think about it for a minute, Jesus allowed himself to be put on the cross to FORGIVE ME for my sins.  He died folks, he died for me and for you; just to forgive our sins; and keep in mind a sin is a sin, it doesn't matter to God how big or how small it is.  Yet, I couldn't even let go of my anger, my pain, my fear, my guilt, or my shame in order to forgive another human being.  I kept wanting that revenge or justice for what was done to me.  WHY?

Well it's a simple answer and like many others I needed a little nudge to open my eyes wide enough to see it.  So why couldn't I forgive others or myself, why couldn't I accept forgiveness when it was offered to me?

That is a tough one.  I learned that I couldn't do any of these for many reasons but it all came back to one problem; I had buried the pain that I and others had caused me.  I let my anger, resentments, need for justice, fears, need for fairness, ability to blame others, shame, and guilt control my life.  Basically put, I let my emotions run my life, I am human after all.  In Jeremiah 6:14 (TLB) it says "You can't heal a wound by saying it's not there!"  I have so learned how true that is.  The one and only lasting solution in my recovery is that I had to face my past, forgive myself and those that have hurt me, and I had to make amends for the pain that I have caused others.  To do this I had to begin by first accepting what Jesus had done for ME.  He died to forgive me for things I hadn't even done yet; yes he knew I was going to do them, but he died for me knowing this.  Now that's what I call love. He canceled all my sins, paid in full; it was his gift from Him to Me as my Lord and Savior.  That's a love I am proud to have found and am just as proud to accept now.

The second way I have worked to extend my recovery through forgiveness is that I had to forgive myself.  Sounds pretty simple doesn't it.  Well it is, once you get past all the guilt, shame, fear, and blame that you put on yourself.  That in itself was a challenge.  I started with by forgiving in what I later learned were superficial, incomplete, and with the wrong motives.  I had to accept that self-forgiveness is not a matter of assigning blame to someone else, letting myself off the hook, and it definitely wasn't a license for my irresponsibility.  It is simply me accepting that I am human like everybody else and being honest with myself.  With this, came a greater respect for myself!  This allowed me to move on in my recovery, because I have now taken out a big obstacle in my recovery; ME!

The last thing I had to face in my recovery was I had to be willing to be willing to give forgiveness, accept forgiveness, and then let it all go.  Easier said than done right.  True, it is; but ask yourself one big question.  Who is your hurt/pain hurting the most?  I promise you, if you take a cold, hard look at this question; you will find that person is YOU!  It was for me.  When I was addressing me forgiving others, I fought hard with this one.  I kept telling myself and God that it wasn't my fault.  Why should I forgive so and so for what they did to me; they don't care!  That's when a good friend of mine reminded me of a little saying he had heard and one that I now remember every time I look to forgive someone else.  That saying is if God wasn't willing to forgive sin, heaven would be empty!  Says a lot to me and reminds me that he has forgiven me so why can't I forgive someone else.  Forgiveness is all about letting go.  It doesn't mean you have to forget, but in order for recovery to work you have to let go.  No matter how hard it seems, just remember that until you do let go you will always be a prisoner of that pain or hurt, habit, or hang-up!  I even asked God for forgiveness and I even forgave God.  Yes you read that right!  I forgave God.  God forgave me when I asked for it, just because I sincerely asked for it.  But I too had to forgive God.  I had to forgive God because I realized that all my anger towards him had been misplaced.  I was angry at him for taking my first wife in a car accident, to be exact when I walked out of the hospital that day I looked up and said if you can't help me then I have no need for you.  Since I have learned otherwise.  I learned that God has a greater scheme and purpose, that he loves ME for ME, that God forgave me for turning my back on him the second I asked and repented for it, and most of all I have learned of God's promise which we find in 1 Peter 5:10 (PH):   After you have borne these sufferings a very little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to share in his eternal splendor through Christ, will himself make you whole and secure and strong.  How awesome is that!

I can now say, that I not only forgive myself because God has already forgiven me, but with God's help; I can forgive others as well.   The key here and throughout recovery is that I need God's help and with this help I may not be able to change the past, but I sure will change my future.

Thanks for reading and feel free to leave your questions or comments!