Crossroads

Crossroads, what does it mean and what was the crossroads of your life that has led you to seeking out your life change or on the flip side; that may be holding up your life change?

What was the crossroads in my life that led me to God? Well, it was when my wife told me that I was going to church and going to get help with my anger problems (and others) or she was going to leave me. She had told me that many times before but I could tell by her tone and demeanor that this time she was serious. Being the stubborn person I am, I originally started going to church with the intent of just appeasing my wife and not changing a thing; little did I know that God had a much bigger plan for me. He hooked me with the ability of our Senior Pastor to always make his point/lesson seem as though it was always about my life. Then he put another great man in my life, Gary Lowder, who showed me that my many ways were wrong; and that with God not only will my life and marriage be better but that I would be better. With that knowledge my whole life began to change; and boy is it nice. Don't get me wrong, you will have crossroads throughout all your life; I am at one now. After you have come to God, it becomes how you handle those crossroads that will define you.

So what is a crossroads? Well a crossroads is a moment in time, in your life, that forces you to make a decision to alter the path with which you were following. This decision could either be good or bad depending on the path you choose. Crossroads come in all shapes and sizes, but as I have learned they usually are significant periods in the persons life(sometimes good and sometimes bad) that they will never forget. The true lesson though, for a person who has found God, is how you react when the crossroads is reached. Many times, people will just shutdown and not face the crossroads, other times people jump head first into them not thinking out their options/actions, and then there are people that really look at the issue, pray about it, and think about what to do before making their decisions. Yes, even those of us that have come to God and are in our recovery still fall into one of these three types of person.

So what type of person are you?

1) Do you shutdown and turn off the lights when you come to a crossroads in your life? Well if you do then I'm here to tell you that you will never get to a point to recover from your issues. This means you won't be able to forgive (yourself or anyone else) and you won't be able to heal. Is this you?

2) Do you make rash decisions, not thinking about the consequences before? Well if you do then you probably have made some choices that you look back on now and say WHY did I do that. Like the prior decision to shut down, odds are here that you made decisions based on inadequate information therefore you will get to your recovery but it may take a little longer. Is this you?

3) Do you look at your crossroad and think and pray about what you need to do? Well if you do then you will probably be a little further along in your recovery and while there are some decisions you may still look back and ask yourself WHY did I do that, they are far less than if you fall into one of the categories above.

So which type of person are you. Now for a few suggestions that I find handy when I reach a crossroads and you may find handy as well:

a) pray about it - TALK TO GOD, GIVE IT TO GOD, LISTEN FOR HIS ANSWER
b) talk to someone you trust and has the same morals and beliefs as you about the options you have (DON'T go to family or friends.) I'll explain below!
c) keep the lines of communication open (Once you have talked to that person you trust, keep talking. Let them know what you're are thinking and keep leaning on them for help and guidance.)

So I've been asked a number of times why I tell people not to go to family and friends to help them in their decision. Well, this is why I tell people this:

Oddly enough, some of the people nearest and dearest to you could be part of the problem. This is not to say that they don't have your best interests at heart. They do. They love you. They can't stand to see you in pain. More than anyone, they know you and know how much you deserve happiness in your life. Their caring is genuine. Why then do I say that your loved ones can be misdirecting you?

I call it the The Biased Shoulder:

When you share your unhappiness with loved ones, what they hear is your side of the story, and your side only. Even though there are two sides to every story; the people who love you don't care about objectivity, they want you to feel better. Although this makes perfect sense, the end result is that the people in whom you are confiding offer potentially life-changing advice without a complete set of facts. If you follow that advice, you may create an even bigger rift in your life than you intended.

Another reason friends and family can increase the odds you will make a wrong decision is because they can't bear to see you in pain. They will steer you to what they think is the quickest escape from the emotional torture. As as example, a friend or family member will convince themselves and then you that since your having marriage problems that your spouse is the problem, you should get rid of him or her. "You don't deserve this. Just get out." But do they have enough information to make that decision or recommendation; no because they only have one side of the story.

Lastly, although your friends and family care about you, their advice is also self-serving. It will make them feel better if you aren't so sad. It will be a relief for them when you stop feeling so torn. They want an end to this unhappiness you feel. The problem if you follow their advice and make them feel better, are you going to be truly happy, will you have to face other potential hurts or problems that that decision created? Yes but remember they won't, yet they didn't think about that when they told you what you should do.

So, I guess by now I've probably made some of you mad and that's not my intention; my intention is to help you the next time you reach a crossroads and for you to think and pray before you make a decision. Crossroads can be life changing, good or bad; how will you handle your next crossroads or maybe the crossroads you are facing today? I pray you become the type of person that thinks, prays, and looks at all options thoroughly before you make a decision.

God Bless and Have a Blessed Day!